Your Guide to 2013's Network Sitcoms

I gave myself the terrible task of watching all the new pilots this season and I started with the sitcoms. Below are short reviews of each. There might be some spoilers, but like, if I spoiled it, it's probably because it sucks and you shouldn't watch anyway. You're welcome. If I missed one, let me know...everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days.

Back in the Game (ABC)

Terrible single father raised a daughter who is trying not to be a terrible single mother to her kid. And after he doesn't make the cut for the baseball teams, she starts her own team of rejects, the Angles. I didn't misspell it, they're actually the Angles. I thought this pilot had a lot of heart and was cute and funny enough to make me want to keep watching. As any good Psych-O, I love love love Maggie Lawson and I totally buy that she's a bad ass softball player. James Caan played the tough alcoholic with a heart of gold perfectly but my favorite part about this pilot was the little boy, Danny. He was the perfect mix of cute, clever, and nerdy. The script wasn't perfect and not all the jokes were funny but it was good enough to make me smile.

Other thoughts: I have a soft spot for reject kids playing sports and baseball stories. Did I mention I love Maggie Lawson?

The Goldbergs (ABC)

The show is reminiscent of the Wonder Years but not in a good way because I didn't really like the Wonder Years then (reruns of course) and I certainly don't want a bootleg repeat. The characters are all super annoying and over the top. The women on this show are either super nagging and irritating, the mom, or passive and kind of slutty, the daughter. The reason I don't have any more bad things to say about this pilot is  because it ended with "Can't Fight This Feeling" which reminded me of Cory Monteith and just made me sad.

Other thoughts: The little boy looks like a cartoon character. I laughed every time Wendi McLendon-Covey was on screen because I imagined her two boys being the ones from Bridesmaids. "I cracked a blanket in HALF."

Super Fun Night (ABC) 

This was such a let down. I didn't care for any of the characters. There's a cute British guy and their relationship is sweet but like this isn't enough for me to like it. The characters are over the top and silly.

Other thoughts: Why do they force Rebel Wilson to do an American accent when she clearly cannot and her Australian accent is so delightful?






Trophy Wife (ABC)
This one is about a "reformed party girl" (as IMDB puts it) who marries into a middle aged man's (maybe a little older) shit show of a family. Complete with 3 kids and 2 ex-wives. Against all odds, this show wasn't bad! Malin Akerman, the "trophy wife" is incredibly charming and fun and she has a good dynamic with the kids and the other wives. The youngest boy, however, is hands down the best part of the show. He's the most adorable child and he's super funny. The only part of this show that I'm not sold on is Bradley Whitford. He's certainly not attractive and his character isn't super charming or funny. It begs the questions, why did she marry him? Why did she even go out with him in the first place? I love Bradley from The West Wing and still I'm not sold on this so they're gonna have to do some serious character changes to make me fall in love with him.

Other thoughts: no spoilers but I was DYING at the end (ish) of the show. If you know me, you know what part I'm talking about.

Brooklyn 99 (FOX)

There was nothing really special about this show but it isn't terrible so I'll keep watching I guess. The only surprising thing about it is how incredibly average it is. Andy Samberg plays the childish but awesome detective. It's all smooth sailing for Andy until the Allstate guy takes over his precinct and vows to make it the best one in NYC. The two butt heads and it's kind of funny? There was only one joke that made me laugh out loud but I'll stick with this one because Park and Rec didn't get good until the end of season 2 and the same people did this show.

Other thoughts: the receptionist reminds me of a drunk Katrina (one of my friends).



Dads (FOX)

It's hard to make various scenes with two stoned old men not funny, somehow Dads managed. I'm not really a fan of Seth McFarlane to begin with but after all the negative buzz this got about being super racist and stupid, I knew I had to see for myself. The first episode? Not super racist, although Seth Green has a Hispanic housekeeper in his tiny apartment for some fucking reason. So I can see her being used for jokes in future episodes. I love Brenda Song and Seth Green but this show is just kind of horrible.

Other thoughts: Can Brenda go back to New Girl now?

Mom (CBS)

It seems like terrible parents who have kids that are terrible parents is a theme this pilot season. Mom's humor is a little better than Big Bang's but it's still falls into the same category of LCD* humor that CBS so proudly keeps making. There was probably one solid joke but overall the humor was kind of lame. I'm biased because I hate CBS but I think Allison Janney deserves so much better than this average show.

Other thoughts: Allison Janney is perfect. In a show with 2 generations of terrible parents, I need one of the kids to be smart or I have no one to root for or care about. Back in the Game did it right with Maggie Lawson's kid but both of Anna Faris's kids here are dumb dumbs. Also, Anna Faris might be old enough to have a 16 daughter but I still don't buy it. *Lowest Common Denominator

The Crazy Ones (CBS)

Despite it being a CBS show, I loved this pilot. Not sure how they got Robin Williams back on TV but bravo. He is delightful and perfect and so is Sarah Michelle Gellar. They have great father/daughter chemistry and I can't wait to see where this show goes. For those who don't know this show is about Simon (Robin Williams) working alongside his daughter (Buffy) at his ad agency. The first episode features -spoiler alert- Kelly Clarkson, being awesome and singing alongside series regular, James Wolk, whose eyes literally twinkle.

Other thoughts: My favorite sitcom from this batch of pilots.

The Millers (CBS)

Just what the world needs, another show about an irresponsible dude who just got a divorce and acts like a child. This show looks terrible. It hasn't aired yet but from what I gather, he moves back in with his parents and we get "Failure To Launch" the TV show. I'll post a real review once it airs. No I won't.

Other thoughts: The recycled the set from Reba. C'mon son.





We Are Men (CBS)

Terrible Terrible Terrible Terrible. Four sad bachelors ranging from ages young-ish to Tony Shaloub, wingman each other and it's pathetic and boring.  In what universe is Tony Shaloub a ladies man? I think I need professional help from the emotional damage this show did to me. This one gets no stars. You did it again, CBS.

Other thoughts: ew.

Micheal J Fox Show (NBC)

This show is about MJF struggling with the idea of going back to work because of his parkinsons and interacting with his family. The show was cute because who doesn't love MJF? He's so damn lovable. I liked how they handled his Parkinsons too, it's not a pity party, he just has it and they deal with it. His eldest son sucks, his daughter is pretty cool and Marie from Breaking Bad is his wife so obviously I love her. The show isn't amazing but it's something to watch with the family and it's heartwarming. I may or may not have cried at the end of the first episode (pilot is 2 episodes).

Other thoughts: They shoot in NYC and it gives it an authenticity that sitcoms don't usually have. It's pretty. Oh yeah, there's a third kid, he's cute.

Sean Saves the World (NBC)

Terrible. TERRIBLE. Not funny at all. Sean Hayes is adorable but this is soooooo lame. My friend, Rob Rosenberg (hi!), said that the only way to save this is to "Will and Grace"-it. Have Meghan Hilty move in with him and be the Grace to his Will. The characters are dumb, the boss's mustache is infuriating and it was so boring that I fell asleep before it was over. Trust me, it's had to fall asleep during a 20 minute episode.

Other thoughts: WHY THE STUPID ASS MUSTACHE!?

Welcome to the Family (NBC)

Adorable over achieving Stanford bound boy knocks up his barely graduating high school girlfriend and their two famileis are forced to unite. If you can believe it, the execution is actually worse than the premise. The boy is really adorable but the girl is so dumb that it's infuriating. We're not exactly sure why they're dating or how they even met. The girl is a "feminist" but she's so dumb that it comes across as making fun of feminists because she doesn't even know what the hell she's talking about half the time. The families are meh and the Dad's feud gets old in the first episode.

Other thoughts: the tagline should be "He's precious. She's an idiot."

Walter White is a Piece of Shit

BEWARE: MAJOR SPOILER BELOW. DON’T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T CAUGHT UP ON BREAKING BAD. I MEAN IT. DON’T.

This is a response to: “Walt is still a good guy at heart.”

I don’t believe for a second that he’s still a good guy at heart but even if I did, being a good guy “deep down” means absolutely nothing to me or to anyone else. What matter are our actions. What has he done lately to show us that he deserves the benefit of the doubt? Cry a little bit? Plead for Hank’s life (even though, there’s no way in hell he thought they wouldn’t have killed him so he probably just did it so Hank died thinking he wasn’t such a flaming sack of shit)? Order Jesse’s death to be painless? Poison a little boy a little bit? Steal but not kill his daughter?

Sure, this started as him trying to help his family, but once he threatened his own wife and gave up his daughter, that kind of went out the window. This is about him. He said it before when he told us that money is the only thing that drives him. He sold his stock in that company and felt guilty. Yeah, the cooking was for his family at first but then he realized the money and power that came with it and suddenly that potential for power, that he thought he had lost, was within his reach and this time, no one could take it away from him.

I think that part of the reason people still defend him is because he’s good at acting like he feels bad about all the stuff he’s done, but he doesn’t give a shit. A good person doesn’t do terrible things, feel “bad” about them, and then brag about for “street cred” or use them to intimidate or threaten someone; like he did by telling Skyler, she’d end up like Hank. I can’t feel bad for a person who doesn’t feel bad about all the terrible shit they do. Or about someone who does all this in the first place. So while some people feel bad for him, I feel bad for everyone who’s ever come in contact with him. He’s a cancer to everyone around him (pun not intended but it works) and anyone will be lucky to make it out of this show alive.  The only time we see him showing any kind of remorse is when he’s trying to manipulate Jesse, so it’s obviously an act. Walter is a sociopath that deserves zero sympathy.

Some people can say that giving up his daughter is probably the best thing for her so she won’t grow up in such a fucked up environment but 1. He doesn’t get to make that decision after being the world’s worst parent. 2. He didn’t do it to protect her; he did it to punish Skyler for defying him. *Correction: I didn't know he left a note with the baby beacause I was too busy screaming. Still, Walt's a POS*

Just because we’ve seen him around people who are arguably worse than he is (Gus Fring, Mike, that old guy with the bell) doesn’t mean that he isn’t a piece of shit. None of these guys would use their families as bargaining chips and they all abided by some kind of code. I wouldn’t argue that Walt is any better or worse than them but at this point in the game he is one of them. And he killed literally all of them so, you know, that counts for something too.

Overall, I think the argument that he’s doing this for his family is probably the stupidest thing anyone could say to me. The best thing for his family would have been to I don’t know, take his friends money at the beginning of the show and not start cooking meth. Or he could have just hid some of the money for his family turned himself in. He’s terminally ill anyway! What would he lose by getting caught? His reputation which means more to him than any family can. He made that clear when he ditched them, stole and abandoned his daughter and went with Saul’s “guy,” leaving his family to pick up the pieces of the home he broke.

Those are my thoughts but I wanna hear what you guys think, so comment below. Don’t be assholes to each other or to me please. Be cool. Sorry for the grammar errors.

Stay calm,

Yani