I was never the little girl that planned out her wedding. I barely ever thought about it. I just kind of assumed that some day I'd meet Mr. Right and that would be that. But lately, I've been giving my future wedding, more and more thought. Not because I've found Mr. Right, because trust me I haven't, but because I'm sitting here at a gorgeous beach and I feel alone. I am glad I came to LA to chase my dreams but every part of me wishes I could have brought some of my people with me. I know this will change soon but right now, LA now feels kind of empty. Ever since I left for college, every city I go to is missing someone. Miami, New York, Chicago, Boston, LA all amazing cities that have little bits of my heart. I have best friends in each of these cities who have never even met the other. The most important people in my life and they wouldn't be able to recognize each other on the street. It's ridiculous to even think about.
When I graduated college, I accepted the fact that I'd always be missing someone but I didn't realize that I had been missing someone for as long as I can remember. It's a part of life, you can't leave home and expect everyone to follow you. So I didn't. I learned to deal with this. I have different ways of remembering or forgetting certain people and they've all worked pretty well up till now. I'm not perpetually depressed, I just kind of go on with my life but there's always a song or a phrase that will remind me of someone. My happy place (don't look at me like I'm crazy, you have one too), is a city where everyone I love, lives. It has other people too, this isn't a cult. Don't drink to Kool-Aid. My non-cultish city is a place where my friends and I will always feel loved even when we hate the other and no one feels alone. I'm not a moron though, I know that such a place won't ever exist but imagine to have even one day when you don't have to miss anyone? A day when everyone you love is gathered to celebrate you and your significant other? Finally, all your friends can meet each other and figure out why you wouldn't shut the hell up about the other. You know when something really awesome happens to you and the first thing you do is text your best friends about it? Well, for one night you won't even have to think about that because everyone will be there.
To wrap it up, getting drunk with all my closest friends is sounds like the best damn party ever plus it means I'm not forever alone and that I'm definitely getting laid. That's the dream, man.
I wasn't one of those girls who planned their wedding but you best your ass I'm planning that mofo now. So future husband, hurry up and show yourself so I can have the happiest day of my life!
-A Playa Named Yanz
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