Before I begin, you clicked on a blog post called "HIMYM Finale" I'm gonna spoil everything. I AM GOING TO SPOIL EVERYTHING, GO AWAY IF YOU'RE NOT READY/HAVEN'T SEEN THE FINALE.
Let's get right down to it, if you follow me on twitter you know how much I hated the finale. And I'm not a HIMYM hater guys, I really wanted to love it. I REALLY DID. I cried my eyes out during that "Mom-centric" episode and though I was certain she was gonna die, I sped all the way home and eagerly awaited what was sure to be a legendary finale. But it wasn't. I knew it wouldn't be after Robin and Barney announced their divorce.
Any writers that hype up a wedding over the course of an entire season only to dissolve that marriage 18 minutes into the final episode are just plain rude. Why would you spend your final season focused solely on a wedding between 2 people who you're gonna break up not even halfway through the finale? Not only that but after it took 9 years for Barney to grow up, how dare you let him revert back to his old self? Barney was a disgusting character for pretty much the entire show but his saving grace was his love for Robin. So it makes perfect sense to let him go back to the creepy womanizing freak he was in season one destroy all his emotional growth. I imagine the writer's room sounded a little like this: "Let's make him knock up a bitch while he's at it! Yeah, great idea! High five, bro! You know what'll be really funny? If he calls the chick 31 cus she was the 31st chick he banged that month. Oh and let's give him a baby girl to make it ironic and shit. Totally brah."
I admit his moment in the nursery with his baby was cute but like c'mon, who doesn't cry meeting their baby for the first time? Do any of us believe that he actually made a good father? A man who can't be bothered to learn his baby mama's name and still has a playbook at age 40? Yeah, didn't think so. Oh but wait, he loves her! Loving your daughter IS the same thing as being a good dad. I forgot!
But forget Barney's character for a second, the Barney-Robin break up totally ruined the whole group's dynamic. It wasn't two weeks ago when they told us that if you wanted to keep people in your life you had to put forth effort, cut to some random year there, and these motherfuckers haven't seen each other in like 6 months. They all keep getting pregnant and it's like, stop trying to meet at a bar when you all have like 65 children. Have a play date, you stupid idiots. Christ almighty.
So cool, Barney is ruined, the "gang" is broken up, Robin is off doing God knows what with World Wide News and Lily is...a famous artist? Nah dude chill, she got her year long "distraction" in Rome out of the way and now she spends her days changing diapers and feeling guilty for robbing Marshall of his judgeship. I'm glad I sat through all those fights about her living out her dream as an artist. Those were super interesting to watch. On the bright side, Marshall has a good career, right? Who needs a job when you have a big strong man in your life and a healthy reproductive system? Wouldn't wanna end up like Robin anyway, a dried up independent professional...aimrite?
Finally, I will address the ducky tie in the room, the mom. It was pretty clear from the start of this season that she would either be dead or gone. What was a little more unclear was why Ted would be telling his kids a story about their dead mother and include every single person in NYC but leave the mother 'till the very end. But ya know, if they would have done a good job with killing her off I would've been okay with this, however, when you make 22 episodes span 48 hours and then try to fill 16 years into one, things can only end badly. Tell my why Tracy (the mom) was still alive at 8:55 and at 8:59 Ted was standing outside Robin's apt with that damn horn. #TACTLESS. After making me fall in love with the mom, how could you kill her off without so much as a good bye? Not cool.
Also, super not cool to have that old ass SD footage of the kids telling Ted to go after Robin. Like listen, Craig and Carter, you knew the ending for like 8 years and you couldn't write a decent finale for your show? Damn, you had one job. You knew Ted and Robin were endgame since the beginning so was the mother just a plot device to give Ted children like he always wanted? Poor Robin made it clear that she didn't want kids so clearly they needed Ted to get married and have 2 of his own so he wouldn't resent Robin for being sterile/ not wanting to bear his children. Which brings me to my final point:
TED AND ROBIN MADE/MAKE A HORRIBLE COUPLE. We saw it time and time again, they want different things, they're very different people they ALWAYS break up and then convince themselves they are meant to be only to do the whole awkward dance again. And riddle me this: if Barney, unemployed and with no ties, couldn't handle Robin's crazy hours and schedule, how is a single dad of 2 supposed to deal with it? Is Robing gonna move to the suburbs and become a housewife like Lily, is that it? Robin could give a fuck about children and she does what she wants. (Also she has like 43 dogs) Every time she thought she wanted him she was proved wrong and I've been 100000% over them since about season 4. Disclaimer: I always root for the couples that get together at the beginning of shows. I ship them hardcore. Fitz (Obligatory Scandal reference) would literally have to strangle Olivia Pope with his own two hands for me to hop off that ship. So me hating Robin and Ted is a testament to shitty writing. There was a time when I shipped them but I got over it when I realized that they just didn't belong together. Most of us moved on, the writers should have too.
Overall, it was actually kind of impressive how bad this episode was. I didn't think it was possible to fuck this up. When it doubt just go for a happy ending, ya know? Predictable as it might have been if Barney and Robin stayed together, Lily was some kind of an artist and Ted and Tracy lived happily ever after I think it was cheesy but I wouldn't be angrily blogging about it in the middle of the night.
How I Met Your Mother? More like How Your Dead Mother Was Cool and All But I've Always Been in Love With Your Uncle's Ex-Wife
XOXO
-YANZ 'Gossip Girl had a better series finale' LOPEZ
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