I talk shit about Miami all the time because sometimes, Miami is pretty terrible. But despite all my shit talking, you should know that I do love that I grew up here. I've seen a bunch of stupid lists of why "Miami is the Greatest City on Earth" and it inspired me to write this post. Because 1. Miami isn't the great city in the world 2. But it can be. 3. Please tell me that reference wasn't wasted on you all.
Okay, but in all seriousness, there are a lot of things that make Miami a pretty okay city to grow up in. I'm glad I'm gonna start my life in LA but I still got mad love for the 305* and here's why:
1. Food
While other places in the US celebrate "Hispanic Heritage Month" with a visit to Taco Bell and a Mexican hat, here in Miami we know better. Every month is Hispanic Heritage Month and we eat croquetas, tequeños and empanadas on the reg. Hamburgers are great but they just can't compare to un Pabellon Criollo, arepas or a cachapa. Have I lost you? Sorry, I went full Venezuelan. I have a point and it's this, Hispanic food trumps literally all other food and my advice to all you non-hispanics/non-miamians, come visit Miami, not for the beaches but for the food. Hit up a Peruvian place for some Peruvian fried rice, ceviche and the best damn chicken you'll ever eat. Go to a Colombian place and dare yourself to eat an entire Bandeja Paisa. Hit up a Cuban place and go HAM. Go to Doral and you'll have your pick of Venezuelan places. I can keep going but I've convinced myself to go out for lunch so I have to finish this post ASAP. Just come to Miami and eat your little hearts out.
2. Dancing
Parties, get togethers, 3 people hanging out in my living room. If there's people over, we're dancing. The other day I was hanging out with 2 friends and I left one with my phone so she could here a Ke$ha song while I went upstairs to get my computer. When I came downstairs my two friends were crumping with big ol' smiles on their faces. At my grad party, we were gonna play pong but instead we danced all night long. Parties without dancing are lame and everyone in Miami knows that. Now we just gotta get this message to the rest of the US.
3. Pitbull
Speaking of dancing, Pitbull. Miamians, don't pretend you're not a Pitbull fan. Let's face it, you are. Whether you're ashamed of loving him or not when you hear "SUBE LAS MANOS PA' RRIBA," your hands are in the air and you just don't care. I got mad love for Mr. Worldwide and I don't care who knows it. Yes, we do say "Dale" as much as you would think.
4. Spanglish
When you go anywhere in Miami, you're usually asking yourself, should I talk to this bitch in English or Spanish? The answer we all arrive on is "Por que no los dos?" You'll hear things like "Pero, like," "Epa bro" "el fucking pendejo este"and the more hideous made up words like "printear" "parquear,"** etc. The fact that we can go out into the world and not speak any one language, but a combination of the two is a beautiful and frightening thing.
5. Affection
The world could use more hugs and kisses on the cheek. In Miami, whether your meeting someone for the first time or saying hi to your friend, you give them a kiss on the cheek and/or a hug. When I got to Boston, the lack of physical contact was startling and upsetting. A hug never hurt anyone and the only acceptable handshake in my head is the one that comes before a hug. Everyone needs to stop being so damn awkward and start greeting each other with love.
6. Spanish Curse Words
In one of these stupid "Miami is the greatest" lists, someone put Miami traffic as a good thing. No. It's not. What's good is being able to curse someone out in Spanish. Whether they cut you off, are driving too fucking slow or just stole your parking spot, you have a plethora of swear words to choose from. Some of my favorite insults while driving: marico avanza!, no te metas en mi lane pajuo/a! guevon! pendejo de mierda! These are just a few but you can get creative and mix and match. "Motherfucker" just doesn't have the same ring as "coño de tu madre" and it's not nearly as satisfying. These words aren't reserved just for driving though, we use them whenever we're mad and they make everything just a little bit better
7. Heat games
You haven't experienced Miami life until you've seen a Heat game the right way, with music, drinks and a ton of friends. Complete with delicious food, hugs, Pitbull, halftime dance parties, yelling things in spanglish and cursing out the other team, watching a Heat game is truly the epitome of the Miami life. The Heat is one of the most hated teams in the NBA so we have to make up for that by loving them as hard as we can. I laugh at the haters because while they're watching they're beloved Pacers, or Celtics or (insert team name here), they're not having a fraction of the fun we're having when we're watching our guys. When Lebron and Wade are holding that trophy again we won't be shit talking you, we'll be too busy celebrating. And if we don't win, we'll still be celebrating the amazing season the Heat had this year. But we really hope we win so we can all go be chusmas in Hialeah (a ghetto ass part of Miami) and rattle those pans all night long. (Not a euphemism, we literally take to the streets and scream whilst hitting pots and pans with sticks. I can't make this shit up).
8. Honorable Mention
The "Shit Miami People Say" Part 1 and 2 are the best "shit people say" videos.
So there ya have it, just a few things I love about this crazy city. It might not be my favorite place in the world but I'll still jump to it's defense whenever anyone shit talks it. So wherever my life takes me, I'll always be proud that I have a home in Miami.
Peace out, fools!
-Yani
* it was recently brought to my attention that our comrades outside of Miami don't know what "The 305" is. Clearly, they don't listen to Pitbull. 305 is the cooler of the Miami area codes. Mr. 786 doesn't have the same ring to it. But yeah, 305 = Miami
**To be clear, the correct words are "imprimir" and "estacionar" LRN2SPANISH
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